1. I was told to look more closely at the capital letters in my works cited page on my rough draft because I needed to make a few of the words capitalized. I also looked a little bit into my MLA format just to be sure that I was outlining everything the way that I needed to.
2. I read through my entire rough draft again so that I could make edits as well, and I found a few small grammar mistakes, and I figured out how to word certain sentences a little differently so that they would make a little more sense.
3. There were not any major edits that Hayley made on my paper other than small grammar things and small suggestions. Some of these suggestions I used but some I read through again and I liked the way that I wrote somethings just to make sure that through all the facts the reader could still hear my voice through my writing.
Hayley improved her rough draft by:
1. Hayley improved her introduction by making it an introduction. She move some of the quotes around to better parts of the paper where they would make more sense. She also used more pathos in the beginning to hook the reader into the paper. She also made her "freaking point" more solid and more noticeable.
2. Hayley made came up with a more catchy title for her paper. She also made her paper a little more organized, but I think that taking out the heading before each paragraph is needed. She did not do anything to her conclusion and I think she could conclude her paper a little more fully. Organization was a big thing that she improved on though.
3. I told her that one thing she could do is research a little more and find more data and sources to use and she did. She added a few quotes from professionals. She added a few statistics into many of the topics. She used more professional sources rather than just having the reader believe her own words.
Written by - Kelsey Robison
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