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How I Improved My Rough Draft:
- I thought my paper was very cluttered, so I put all of what I have of my paper so far, and put it into broad categories, in hopes of being able to get my paper to a more organized state. Over the weekend, I will form it into working paragraphs and include source information.
- I expanded my intro by including my own thoughts about how eating out at restaurants is good thing that people enjoy. I think this will help to soften my paper and show readers why they should care about my argument.
- I changed the title of my paper from Restaurants Should Offer Smaller Meal Portions to Less Is More. I think this is a positive change because it makes my paper seem more lighthearted and meaningful. The first title seemed more like a thesis slapped at the beginning of the paper, all by itself, but my new title seems more catchy and relatable.
How Kelsey Improved Her Rough Draft:
- I asked Kelsey to add the age of her friend that she interviewed, and she did. By adding this, it gives the reader a better understanding of where her friend is coming from.
- She changed some sentences in her paper that did not make sense to me. Now, because these sentences were changed, they now make sense.
- On her third page, she mentioned a statistic about women not being able to find men to marry. In her first draft, she did not give documentation, but she added this documentation in her second draft. Now, the reader can know who she got that information from.
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