Criteria I Improve

1.  Part of the criteria that I need to improve is use of my sources and citations.  I need to figure out how to anonymously site an interview that I had and I also need to check and make sure that I use all of my sources in my paper and have an in text citation for all of them..

2.  I think I also need to work on the organization in my paper and making all of my support bits arguments. Also that transitions from one idea to the next could be stronger in my paper.  Along with the clarity and coherence of my argument.  This could be stronger and I need to make it easier for my audience to understand my ideas.

3.  I also need to improve my counter argument and make it more of a counter argument.  

Written by- Kelsey Robison
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Improvement of Drafts

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How I Improved My Rough Draft:

1. I thought my paper was very cluttered, so I put all of what I have of my paper so far, and put it into broad categories, in hopes of being able to get my paper to a more organized state. Over the weekend, I will form it into working paragraphs and include source information.
2. I expanded my intro by including my own thoughts about how eating out at restaurants is good thing that people enjoy. I think this will help to soften my paper and show readers why they should care about my argument.
3. I changed the title of my paper from Restaurants Should Offer Smaller Meal Portions to Less Is More. I think this is a positive change because it makes my paper seem more lighthearted and meaningful. The first title seemed more like a thesis slapped at the beginning of the paper, all by itself, but my new title seems more catchy and relatable.

How Kelsey Improved Her Rough Draft:

1. I asked Kelsey to add the age of her friend that she interviewed, and she did. By adding this, it gives the reader a better understanding of where her friend is coming from.
2. She changed some sentences in her paper that did not make sense to me. Now, because these sentences were changed, they now make sense.
3. On her third page, she mentioned a statistic about women not being able to find men to marry. In her first draft, she did not give documentation, but she added this documentation in her second draft. Now, the reader can know who she got that information from.

Written by Hayley Leach

Improvements on rough draft

3 ways I improved my rough draft

1. I thought my paper was too short and could have added more details through out it. 

2. I think I could add more resources to my paper and variety. For example add different zoos like in colorado and explain about them.

3. One more thing I need to improve on my paper could be adding a counter argument on why people believe zoos are educational.

3 ways my partner can improve their rough draft

1. I think my partner could add more key facts that go along with his points through out his paper.

2. One thing my partner could improve with his paper is giving more detailed examples of certain high schools with improvements on art being added to the curriculum. 

3. I believe my partner could expand on some of his topics for example why did drawing a picture of something in a class he took help him? Maybe with memorization?

Written by: Isabella Montalbetti

Imrpovements From the Origional

I improved my rough draft by:
1.  I was told to look more closely at the capital letters in my works cited page on my rough draft because I needed to make a few of the words capitalized.  I also looked a little bit into my MLA format just to be sure that I was outlining everything the way that I needed to.
2.  I read through my entire rough draft again so that I could make edits as well, and I found a few small grammar mistakes, and I figured out how to word certain sentences a little differently so that they would make a little more sense. 
3.  There were not any major edits that Hayley made on my paper other than small grammar things and small suggestions.  Some of these suggestions I used but some I read through again and I liked the way that I wrote somethings just to make sure that through all the facts the reader could still hear my voice through my writing. 

Hayley improved her rough draft by:
1.  Hayley improved her introduction by making it an introduction.  She move some of the quotes around to better parts of the paper where they would make more sense.  She also used more pathos in the beginning to hook the reader into the paper.  She also made her "freaking point" more solid and more noticeable.  
2.  Hayley made came up with a more catchy title for her paper.  She also made her paper a little more organized, but I think that taking out the heading before each paragraph is needed.  She did not do anything to her conclusion and I think she could conclude her paper a little more fully.  Organization was a big thing that she improved on though.     
3.  I told her that one thing she could do is research a little more and find more data and sources to use and she did.  She added a few quotes from professionals.  She added a few statistics into many of the topics.  She used more professional sources rather than just having the reader believe her own words. 


Written by - Kelsey Robison
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Chapter 17 - Integrating Sources and Avoiding Plagiarism

My personal reaction to this chapter was that this has been what I have been told my whole life, every time I have to write a paper especially a research paper.  I am always told to paraphrase, or use my own words, when I am using information from another source unless I cite the source at the end of my paper.  I have also always been told to summarize my information which is basically paraphrasing.  

When using a quote you have to use the writers words just as they appear in the article or source.  You would have to put quotation marks around this, and then at the end put the authors last name and page numbers in parentheses at the end of the sentence.  I would advise you to not use too many of these.  If the reader wanted to hear the other persons words they would have just looked up that article instead of reading yours.           

My professional reaction is the idea of synthesizing information.  This basically means to blend the information from the source with your own ideas and interpretations, as the book stated.  Synthesizing is basically using summaries, paraphrasing, quotes, and your own ideas when you are writing.  This way you are finding facts and information to support your ideas not the other way around.  

Plagiarism is copying another words exactly without giving them any credit at all.  This is illegal and will never be a good way for you to write a paper, so just don't do it.    

Written by - Kelsey Robison

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Chapter 17: Integrating Sources and Avoiding Plagiarism

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Personal Reaction:
Chapter 17 from Patterns for College Writing by Laurie G. Kirszner and Stephen R. Mandell mainly explains how to integrate sources and avoid plagiarism. I really should have read this chapter earlier, because I was having a tough time figuring out how to start the process of integrating other people's information in my research paper. Because of this confusion (and having a cold), I wasn't able to write my paper as quickly or effectively as I would have liked to. The writing process would definitely have been much smoother if I had already read this chapter. But, now that I have, I will be able to use what I learned to make my research paper better.

This chapter is filled with helpful tips. One that really stuck out to me was making sure to take plenty of time to research and write your paper. For whatever reason, I did not do this. Thankfully, unlike the meme above, I didn't have to write a thirty page paper, and I did not put off writing it until the day before. But I was assigned a 5-7 page paper, and I only gave myself about 4 days to write my first rough draft, which was not enough. Clearly, I should have started working on this several weeks in advance. Now, I have to cram, which is stressful and not fun. In fact, I probably should be working on my paper right now, but I'm writing this instead. Oh, well. You live and you learn.

Professional Reaction:
Although this chapter is fairly short, it is packed with valuable information that I will definitely refer to whenever I am assigned a research paper.

In the first part of the chapter, the authors mention different ways of integrating sources into a paper, which are paraphrasing, summarizing, and quoting. They define and describe each of these briefly, and also include examples and guidelines for how to use these techniques. The rest of the chapter explains what plagiarism is and how to avoid it. I think all these tips, guidelines, and examples will help me integrate sources in my paper correctly, and help me to not plagiarize.

Written by Hayley Leach

Chapter 16

After reading Chapter 16 in my textbook, I understood a lot more on how to do my research for my everyday use. Students usually go straight to using google for researching things, but the best way to research is within your school library. There are databases that hold more detailed information then google does. On the other hand when your on the web and searching in a search engine like google or yahoo there are lots of things you need to know about beforehand. You need to know the accurate word usage. An example of what not to type into google is a question. Although Ask.com is a search engine that you can apply questions too. When researching in search engine you can also come across some non trustworthy answers. That is why its always good to check out different resources and websites before finalizing your thoughts. You should also double check on the date it was posted for current and accurate information. I also learned that a source is comprehensive if it covers a subject in sufficient breadth and depth. 

This chapter taught me many things I hadn't known over researching in the web. I wasn't using the right search engine words for researching topics. I feel more confident, after reading this chapter, to do other assignments I have for school now. I also now plan on going to my online library databases first before researching on google because the databases are more useful then I thought. 

Written by: Isabella Montalbetti