Outline For Kelsey's Thesis

Kelsey's Thesis: "My belief in God helps me to understand who I am and has taught me the importance of values that better myself and the world around me"

Example 1: Going to church helps me learn more about God. When I'm at church, I read the Bible and worship, which helps me develop and learn how to be a better person.

Example 2: Spending time alone praying helps me relax and feel peace, which makes me feel at ease and helps lower my stress, helping me to act kinder to others.

Example 3: Learning about God's values has guided me through tough times and helped me get along better with others.

Conclusion: Myself and the world around me are made better because of my belief in God.

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Outline for Hayley's Thesis

Thesis: Social swing dancing benefits my life in a variety of ways.

Example #1- While on the dance floor, Hayley and her partner, thats when Hayley's the happiest.

Example #2- The contests that Hayley enters can earn her money if she wins for school or her future.

Example #3- Ever since Hayley was little, she has felt very passionate for swing dancing.

Example #4- Swing dancing is a great way to get out and meet different people.

Conclusion: Socially swing dancing has made Hayley life long memories. She enjoys everything about it and getting to do what makes her happy. She has gained many friends that have the same passion as she does. Sometimes even wins prizes or money for doing what she loves.


image- http://saswing.org/2013/stomp/KevinJo.jpg

Written by: Isabella Sofia Montalbetti

Partnered Outline

Hayley's  Exemplification Essay through my eyes:

Intro/Thesis - Social swing dancing benefits my life in a variety of ways.

Example 1 - Get to know other people through dancing with them.  Like in Footloose, they all became like a family through their love for dancing.

Example 2 - Listen to many different kind of music through going swing dancing at different places.

Example 3 - Learn how to move with the music so you don't feel awkward when you go out to dances, everybody follows you because you look like you know what you are doing.

Example 4 - Learning this kind of dance helps to understand history because it was widely popular in our history.

Example 5 - Knowing how to dance also gives a boost of confidence to know that you are really good at something else. 

Example 6 - Swing dancing gives you one more thing to be excited about. 

Conclusion - There are many lessons that you have to learn in life, and swing dancing has taught me many of those lessons.



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Written by - Kelsey Robison

Logical Fallacy #1

Jumping to Conclusion.

Defined: "Hasty, or sweeping generalization", the writer makes a conclusion when they do not have enough information or evidence. Jumping to conclusions causes people to judge or decide without having the facts or based on their own biases, thinking everyone would agree with them.  

Tip:  Don't think that people agree with all your opinions, and make sure to have a complete amount of information before you make a point. 

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Exemplification Response

Exemplification response

After reading chapter 8, “Exemplification”, I understand exactly how and the rules on writing an exemplification essay. Reading about it I noticed that the structure of this essay was a lot alike a basic MLA formatted essay. The similarities are that you start off with an introduction. Within the introduction you have your thesis. Then you have your body paragraphs. Finally, you have a conclusion. Although, the difference in an exemplification essay is that you need a good amount of examples supporting your broad topics. Your examples need to be persuasive, have some interest and clarify exactly what you are trying to say.

In an exemplification essay you need to be specific with your examples. You also can arrange your examples in different ways. One way you can arrange them is by chronological order. These examples will consist of which examples occurred first to those that occurred last. Another way is in order of increasing complexity. This means the examples would begin simpler leading to the more complex ones. Lastly, you can arrange them in order of importance. Starting with the less significant ones moving towards the ones that are most significant or persuasive.

Overall, I can say that I feel very comfortable writing an exemplification essay after reading this chapter. I learned how to use different transitions, how to structure the essay, and how to choose from a broad example to a specific one.

Written by: Isabella Sofia Montalbetti

Exemplificaiton Thesis

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Topic:  Values and how they better the world. 

Thesis Options:
1. My religion has helped me create and use good values in my life.
2. It's not all about you stupid.
3. Making yourself have better values makes the world a better place.
4. My family has taught me to think of others before myself.
5. My belief in God helps me to understand who I am and has taught me the importance of values that better myself and the world around me.

My Favorite:
        My belief in God helps me to understand who I am and has taught me the importance of values that better myself and the world around me.

Exemplification Essay Thesis

Thesis: Social swing dancing benefits my life in a variety of ways.

Just Walk On By

Comprehension:

1. The woman is a "victim" because she is the first person to that he noticed was scared of him and reacted because she was scared of him. 
2. He has the "power to alter people" because of the way that he looked. People got scared when he came into view because of their own judgments of people and their racial profile at first glance. 
3. He walks the streets at night because everybody is scared of him, he says that things can get very "taut".  He also walks the street at night because he is a night walker and he is "suffering a bout of insomnia".  
4. "The making of a young man" - "the consumption of the male romance with the power to intimidate", "perception of themselves as tough guys", "embrace the power to frighten and intimidate", learning to "seize the fighter's edge in work and in play and even in love", "be valiant in the face of hostile forces".  Young, poor, and powerless become thugs because they take all these hints to becoming a young man seriously and end up in trouble.   
5. He attempts to make himself less threatening by moving with care, staying further away from people that seem to be nervous especially when in jeans and not his business attire, he walks by letting people clear the lobby before he returns, he tries to be calm and congenial, and he often whistle's songs from Beethoven and Vivaldi.

Purpose and Audience:

1. "It was in the echo of that terrified woman's footfalls that I first began to know the unwieldy inheritance I'd come into - the ability to alter public space in ugly ways."
2. He uses logic and emotion, which is an appropriate strategy.
3. He seems to assume that his audience is familiar with the concept that black males are often seen as intimidating, but he assumes that his audience is not necessarily aware that not all black men have malicious intent.
4. He succeeded in drawing the reader in, which is what I think his intention for the first sentence was.

Style and Structure:

1. I think he mentions Norman Podhoretz because he needed an example from someone who was not black, in order to get a different perspective.
2. I think his opening strategy is very effective.
3. Staples definitely had enough examples to support his thesis. I think that they are representative. The types of examples that Staples used in his essay were very convincing, because he mentioned in different situations how people acted pretty much the same. He also showed us how the same situations applied to him in different cities.
4. Staples didn't have an exact order that he presented his examples. He did tell us examples that would happen in a city, then he would move on to a year or so later and tell us what happened in that city at that time.
5. Synonyms of "thug": gangster, killer, bully, goon, criminal, hooligan, mobster, troublemaker, delinquent, and gang member. All these words have very similar meanings, implying that people labeled with these words make trouble, commit crimes, and are often violent and part of a gang.

Journal Entry:
I have been in a similar situation as Staples, but I perceived someone else as threatening. I reacted very similar to Staples first example of the women. How she took a few worried glances back and increased her steps until she started running. In my situation, I was with some friends downtown after a concert and my friend said she had noticed a white male following us for a couple blocks. We all acted like nothing was wrong, because we didn't want to show any fear, and hurriedly speed walked to our car. Even today, I would react the same, because you can never be certain of any situation. I always say better safe than sorry.

Writing Workshop:
3. Staples's statement is very accurate. I think he meant that most males strive to be big and powerful from when they are born, but it develops gradually like a romance. Growing up, I noticed many times that the boys I knew always seemed to enjoy playing with toy dinosaurs and monster trucks; things that are known as being big, scary, powerful, and dangerous. That may have been because they were raised to think that men should be bigger, stronger, and more powerful than women.

Combining The Patterns:
Cause and effect is a great way of explaining situations because then the reader can automatically see one of the possible outcomes of the problem.  Examples provide more outcomes possibly and more explanations oftentimes.  We do believe that more examples would have been a better explanation for how a youth becomes a thug.

Exemplification

Google Images - Exemplification

       When I first read this the first thing that stuck out was that people have to be careful with the number of examples they use in their writing.  This depends on ones thesis statement.  This surprised me that the number of examples are dependent on the thesis statement.  Also it is good to have a variety of examples throughout the writing depending on the topic.  Sometimes when I write I find that I love giving examples, but I always try to make sure the examples truly have relate to the topic being written about.  

       Professionally, some of the most important points I found while reading this chapter were the reasons to use examples.  The first is to explain or clarify the topic.  This requires one to really be specific when they are sharing the example. The second is to use examples to add interest.  The examples actually have to be interesting if you are trying to get others interested in a certain topic.  The third reason to use examples it to persuade somebody.  Examples can persuade if they are convincing and they well-chosen.
       Overall I think this chapter is a perfect explanation of how how to properly use examples in writing.  I think that examples help the reader to truly understand the points trying to be exemplified through writing.  Examples help illustrate your writing to become more vibrant, if they are used properly and written well.          

Written by : Kelsey Robison

Chapter 8: Exemplification

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I learned a lot about using examples in essays when reading chapter 8 of the book, Patterns for College Writing. Personally, the thing that stuck out to me the most was the concept that examples can be used in essays, not only to support the thesis, but also to add interest. Examples and statistics do not have to be boring. In fact, they shouldn't be boring.Professionally, I think the tools presented in this chapter will be very helpful to refer back to when I write my exemplification essay for my English Composition class. Below are three points from the chapter that I think will be most helpful for me:

1. Use examples to explain and clarify. Be specific.
2. Explore examples before forming your final thesis. Sometimes you may need to narrow or change your thesis to match the examples you have gathered.
3. Use a wide variety of examples to better support your thesis.

Overall, I think this chapter is a great guide for using examples in essays. By reading it, I'm sure I will feel much more prepared and confident to write my exemplification essay.

Written by Hayley Leach

Arrangement (Chapter 3) By Kelsey

Google Images - Flower Arrangement

        The reason I have a picture of flowers is, arranging flowers is the first thing that came to my mind when I read the title of this chapter, arrangement.  When starting to make a boque or put flowers into a bowl there are a lot of flowers and you start putting them together piece by piece, changing where they are placed throughout the process, to make a very beautiful work of art.  I think this is how writing is at some point, especially in my own experience writing.  Sometimes I just have to start writing in order to figure out the best way to arrange my writing.  I have found this to be true so many times as I write papers for school.  I often make an outline to start out, but by the time that I have decided that my paper is complete it is in a completely different arrangement for what makes the writing sound better and flow more freely.  

      Throughout reading this chapter I kept thinking about how a person would tell a story, or explain something if they were talking with you face to face.  They would have an introduction to make you familiar with the story, then they would start adding their support points or telling the story, then they would wrap it up and try to get you to remember or continue thinking about this certain subject.  I learned that if everything does not have an order and is just thrown together then nobody will want to read what you are writing because it is so badly organized.  Organization, or arrangement, when writing is very important not only for your reader, but it is also important for you to sound intelligent.  One thing that I knew, but popped out to me was the short section on making an outline.  Sometimes when I write I just start writing without planning before.  I think that planning before is very beneficial in the long run.   

      According to my knowledge the important points in this chapter are one to start with an introduction always.  Second, following the introduction support points are needed in order to support the thesis you made in the introduction.  Also always make sure your support points support your thesis.  Third, your writing should always end with a conclusion.  This piece is that last part of your writing before the reader finishes and decides what to think about your writing.  

Written by: Kelsey Robison

Mini Paper Thesis - Kelsey Robison

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Topic - Communication through texting

More specifics -

• Meaner people
• Body language is missing
• May misjudgements of peoples meanings
• Texting etiquette
• Using emojis
• People are bad at talking to each other

Arguable sentences -

• Texting has taught our society poor communication skills when they talk face to face.
• When texting there are many unseen hints that are missed from when you talk to a person face to face.
• Communication through texting is creating meaner, faker, and people with poor communication skills.
• Texting etiquette seems to be nonexistent as people just say what they want, when they want, and how they want because it is easier to type than to say.
• Emojis often help a person to understand the true feelings of the person on the other line.
• People are able to be meaner when the person they are talking to is not standing right in front of them.  

My favorite -   Communication through texting is creating meaner, faker, and people with poor communication skills.
 
Written by- Kelsey Robison

Hayley's Mini-Essay Outline: Technology in Education

Topic: Technology in Education

The Specifics:

• Having better access to information through the internet
• Being able to revise and rewrite documents on the computer
• Having a better understanding of assignments through email and text messages

Arguable Sentences:

• Education is enhanced with the aid of computers
• Students can better access information through the internet
• Students can get better grades when they are able to ask their teachers about assignments through email and text messages

My favorite one: Education is enhanced with the aid of computers.

Video games and violence By: Isabella Montalbetti

Video games and violence

Specific examples:

- kids are too young for certain games
-inhumane
-Brain washing

Forming arguable sentences:

- Many parents don't realize what goes on in the video game they are buying their children.
- Most video games involve stealing, killing people/ animals, and destroying property.
-I believe that video games are why we have so much bullying.

Thesis statement:

The reason why I think that video games are violent is because they are too young for certain ages, they are inhumane, and they brain wash children without them even realizing it.

Blog Reviews #1

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Kelsey followed: Whatever Frail My Heart Apart by John Scalzi
Rating: 8/10 Great pictures and science fiction writing. The writing is interesting. Some posts seemed too long.

Hayley followed: Mental Floss
Rating: 6/10 There are a lot of great pictures. The writing is interesting. There is a variety of topics that they write about. But they are lacking detail in their writing.

Sofia followed: Underground New York Public Library
Rating: 6/10 It was visually appealing with a catchy title. Not enough blog description.

We (Creative Minds) decided that our favorite blog is "Whatever". We generally like this blog because we thought that it was visually appealing, well written, and there's a wide variety of topics. This pictures posted on this blog made the posts more interesting and realistic. As we followed this blog, we noticed the cover photo changed every so often, bringing a new thought to our minds.

John Scalzi is a science fiction writer. We believe because of this that his posts were really easy to follow and kept us entertained. He didn't make many mistakes with his grammar, so it was easier to read. Although he had great writing, we found that some posts were too long and often lost our attention by the end.

Recently, there was a Hugo award and he wrote about that and books for a few days. His latest post was about a post he wrote ten years ago titled, "Being Poor". He also posts about his cat often, which makes the blog more entertaining and shows his personality. Overall, we enjoyed following the blog, "Whatever" because of its appealing nature.

Arranging an Essay By: Isabella Montalbetti

After reading the assigned chapter, I learned about multiple different ways on how to arrange an essay. With what I read I could relate to what I had learned in previous English classes. An example of what I experienced in these classes was on research papers and a script for a play. A big thing I learned is understanding the parts of an essay. Another new fact I discovered with this chapter was about plagiarism and exactly what it meant. I can definitely see now how important it is arranging an essay.

The main points in this chapter were the introduction, the body paragraphs, and the conclusion. For the introduction it said that it must introduce the subject, create interest and bring in the audience, finally state your thesis. The body paragraphs must have strong topic sentences. They also need to be unified, coherent, and have some key words. During the conclusion you must restate your thesis, back up your main ideas, and review the key points.

In all I can be comfortable knowing all I know about forming and arranging an essay. I can recognize a pattern, form a thesis, and finish strong with a conclusion. 

By: Isabella Montalbetti

Reverse Outline: Email Etiquette

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1. Introduction: Describes himself and how he communicates through emails, compared how more powerful people communicate through emails.

2. Thesis: "See, the e-blurt, like so many modes of personal expression, is all about power."

3. Support: Powerful people spell poorly on purpose showing that they are busier, hence they are more powerful.
 
    Support: High power doesn't necessarily mean good or high level grammar. "Hip power" meaning not as formal.

    Support: "What are you trying to say?" Making the people under you try to guess what you're trying to say. They think that they are to important to correct themselves.

4. Counter argument: He talked to his lawyer friend and she said that "If your poorly written email messages are retained as one of the companies electronic business records, and the company is hit with a lawsuit, and your email is subpoenaed, the fact that your messages were written in an unprofessional, illogical way could come back to haunt not only you but the company as well."

5. Conclusion (not very long): Basically just restates the thesis.

6. Thesis #2: "Which only confirms what I always felt about power; That the people that really understand it don't say anything at all."